What’s Acceptable and What’s Not in Dating
-Bali-
“Sopan santun,”
(POLITENESS AND PROPRIETY)
Public Displays of Affection (PDA)
Cultural Norms & Sensitivities Around PDA: Bali, being a predominantly Hindu island in a majority-Muslim country, has its own unique approach to PDA. While the local culture is known for its friendliness and hospitality, it is also conservative regarding public displays of intimacy. Modesty and respect for traditions play a large role in what is considered appropriate behavior in public settings.
What’s Considered Acceptable PDA in Public:
Hand-Holding & Light Physical Contact: Holding hands, a brief touch on the arm, or light hugs are generally acceptable in tourist-friendly areas like Seminyak, Ubud, or Kuta Beach. Such gestures are seen as moderate and unlikely to offend the local community, especially in places that are more accustomed to international visitors.
Avoiding Kissing & Intimate Behavior: Kissing on the lips, prolonged hugs, or any form of overtly intimate PDA (e.g., making out, sitting in a partner’s lap) are generally seen as disrespectful and inappropriate in public. Locals may view this as offensive, particularly in more traditional areas, temples, or family settings.
Gauging the Appropriate Level of PDA Based on Location & Setting:
Tourist Hubs vs. Traditional Villages: Bali’s tourist hotspots have a more relaxed attitude towards PDA, but even in these areas, modesty is appreciated. In contrast, local villages, religious ceremonies, or family-oriented places maintain a more traditional stance, and couples are expected to be respectful by limiting physical contact.
Cultural & Religious Sensitivities: Bali is known for its strong connection to Balinese Hinduism, and respect for religious practices is paramount. Avoid any PDA when near temples, religious sites, or during ceremonies, as these are sacred spaces where displays of affection are considered disrespectful.
Cultural Differences & Local Expectations:
Respect for Modesty & Social Image:
Public Behavior & Social Perception: Balinese culture places a high value on modesty and the concept of keeping one's social image respectful. Locals often prefer to keep romantic expressions private, believing that relationships should be reserved and respectful when in public.
Tolerance for Foreigners (“Bule”) & Tourists: As a popular travel destination, Bali sees a high number of international visitors, and some level of PDA is tolerated among foreigners, known as “bule.” However, understanding and adapting to the local norms is a sign of cultural respect and helps maintain positive relationships with locals.
Adjusting PDA Based on Context & Event:
Public Places vs. Private Spaces: In public spaces like markets, local neighborhoods, or during public festivals, keeping physical affection subtle and minimal is important. In private settings or more relaxed venues, like certain resorts or secluded beaches, a bit more leeway is given, but it’s still important to be aware of who may be around.
Blending Modern Tourism & Traditional Values: Balinese people understand that tourism brings diverse cultures with different norms. However, as guests in their country, it’s appreciated when visitors adopt a modest approach to public affection, honoring the local culture's traditions and religious values.
Tips for Navigating PDA Respectfully in Bali:
Observation & Following Local Behavior:
Take Cues from Local Couples: Observe how local couples interact in different settings. If you see that most couples are avoiding physical contact, it’s a good indicator to keep your own PDA minimal. When in doubt, opting for more subtle forms of affection is always a safe choice.
Consider Who Is Around & the Setting: Assess your surroundings before engaging in any form of PDA. If you’re in a public, family-friendly, or traditional space, keep physical contact to a polite minimum. In more tourist-centric areas or private settings, holding hands or a quick hug may be more acceptable.
Respect for Culture & Religious Practices:
Be Mindful Around Temples & Religious Ceremonies: Given the deep spiritual culture in Bali, respect for religious spaces is critical. When visiting temples or witnessing ceremonies, avoid any PDA, including holding hands, to show reverence for the sacredness of these places.
Modesty Is Key in Social Interactions: Balinese people value modesty and respectful behavior, so keeping affection private and subtle helps align with local customs. Even in seemingly relaxed settings, being mindful of those around you helps maintain harmony and cultural respect.
Dating Multiple People
Cultural Views on Casual Dating & Seeing Multiple Partners: Dating in Bali, much like the rest of Indonesia, is influenced by strong cultural and religious values that generally lean toward more conservative approaches. While dating multiple people simultaneously might be seen as normal in some Western cultures, in Bali, it’s less common and often carries different social implications.
Conservative Values vs. Modern Influences:
Expectations for Seriousness & Commitment: Traditional Balinese culture typically values commitment and exclusivity in relationships. The concept of dating multiple partners at the same time can be seen as untrustworthy or insincere, particularly within local communities where family values are emphasized.
Greater Openness in Tourist Areas: In tourist-heavy areas like Kuta, Seminyak, and Ubud, where Western influences are more prevalent, casual dating and seeing multiple people are becoming more common, especially among younger locals who are exposed to diverse cultures and dating norms. However, even in these areas, honesty and clarity are key, as casual dating is not the norm.
Managing Expectations & Communication:
Being Honest About Intentions: If you intend to casually date multiple people, clear and respectful communication is crucial. Many Balinese will assume exclusivity unless otherwise stated, so having a candid conversation early on about your dating approach will help avoid misunderstandings.
Respect for Family & Cultural Sensitivities: Family is highly important in Balinese culture, and meeting the family typically signifies that a relationship is serious. If you’re dating multiple partners, it’s wise to avoid meeting family members until the relationship has defined intentions to prevent sending mixed signals.
Balancing Cultural Differences & Navigating Dating Expectations:
Discretion & Respect for Social Harmony:
Social Image & Modesty: Balinese culture places great importance on social harmony and a modest public image. Dating multiple people openly or without discretion can be seen as disrespectful to the individuals involved and may lead to social gossip or judgment.
Balancing Private & Public Behavior: If you are dating multiple people, keeping a low-profile and private approach is generally preferred. Avoid bringing different partners to the same social circles, family events, or community gatherings, as this can create unnecessary complications and discomfort for all parties involved.
Gender Dynamics & Relationship Perceptions:
Different Expectations for Men & Women: In Bali, there may be a double standard regarding dating multiple partners. Men are sometimes more socially accepted in dating around, whereas women might face greater judgment for the same behavior. This makes it particularly important to consider the impact of your actions on your partner's reputation.
Foreigners (“Bule”) & Local Dating Perceptions: As a foreigner (referred to as “bule”), you may be met with curiosity or have different expectations placed on you. While casual dating might be understood among locals who are familiar with Western cultures, it's important to be mindful of how your behavior aligns with local norms and values.
Best Practices for Dating Multiple People in Bali Respectfully:
Being Open & Culturally Sensitive:
Clear Communication & Honesty: Be transparent about your relationship status and intentions to ensure that all parties involved understand the nature of the dating arrangement. It’s respectful to make sure your partner is comfortable with casual or non-exclusive dating before moving forward.
Adapting to Your Partner’s Comfort & Boundaries: Recognize that not everyone in Bali will share the same views on casual dating, so being open to having a conversation about comfort levels and respecting boundaries is important. If your partner prefers exclusivity, respect their values and decide on how to proceed accordingly.
Maintaining Respect & Discretion:
Avoid Overlapping Social Circles & Family: In a culture that values modesty and harmony, it’s best to keep relationships separate and avoid introducing multiple partners to the same social groups. Keeping private relationships discreet shows consideration for all involved and aligns with local values.
Avoid “Losing Face” & Be Considerate of Social Dynamics: Balinese culture places importance on “saving face”—preserving dignity and avoiding public embarrassment. Publicly dating multiple people can lead to “loss of face” for your partner(s), which may affect how they’re perceived within their community.
Meeting the Family
The Cultural Significance of Family Introductions: In Bali, introducing a romantic partner to the family is an important and culturally significant step. It often signifies that the relationship is moving toward serious commitment or marriage. Balinese culture highly values family, and meeting one’s family is both a gesture of respect and a test of compatibility with their values and traditions.
What It Means to Meet the Family:
Serious Intentions & Commitment: In Bali, meeting a partner’s family isn’t something taken lightly. It generally implies that you are viewed as a potential life partner, and the family may assess your suitability for a long-term relationship. Approaching this meeting with respect and understanding of its importance is essential.
Seeking Family Approval & Harmony: Families in Bali are very close-knit, and the opinions of parents and extended relatives hold significant weight in shaping the relationship's future. Impressing your partner’s family positively and showing that you honor their traditions and way of life can solidify your standing in the relationship.
Expectations & Traditions When Meeting the Family:
Gift-Giving & Showing Appreciation: A respectful and thoughtful way to greet your partner’s family is to bring a small gift (oleh-oleh), which can be a box of sweets, fruits, or something representative of your culture. This gesture reflects appreciation and respect for being welcomed into the family.
Proper Greetings & Behavior: Politeness is key when meeting the family. Show respect by greeting the elders first, often with a handshake, a smile, and a slight nod of the head. Language matters, so using polite Indonesian phrases or greetings in the local Balinese language (such as "Om Swastiastu" for "hello") will be greatly appreciated.
Navigating Traditions, Behaviors & Family Dynamics:
Understanding Family Hierarchies & Religious Values:
Respect for Elders & Family Structure: Balinese culture has a strong family hierarchy where elders are deeply respected. Demonstrating reverence towards elders by addressing them with polite titles and listening attentively when they speak is crucial. Engaging in conversations about their interests, family life, and traditions will help build rapport.
Religious Respect & Ceremonial Etiquette: Balinese Hinduism plays a central role in family and daily life, so it’s common to be involved in religious activities or ceremonies when meeting the family. If invited, observe the traditions respectfully, wear proper attire (like a sarong and sash), and follow your partner's lead on appropriate behavior.
Social Customs & Dining Etiquette:
Sharing Meals & Participating in Rituals: Meals are a communal and bonding activity in Bali, so if invited to share food, accept the invitation with gratitude. Take small portions to avoid waste, and wait for the host or the eldest person to start eating before you begin. Complimenting the food and expressing gratitude are polite gestures.
Modesty & Cultural Dress Code: Dress conservatively and neatly for family gatherings, covering your shoulders and knees, especially if attending any religious ceremonies. The way you present yourself shows respect for the family’s values and indicates that you are serious about your intentions.
Building a Positive Relationship with the Family & Gaining Approval:
Show Respect & Understanding for Local Customs:
Be Humble, Patient, & Attentive: Humility is highly regarded in Balinese culture, so be polite, patient, and open to learning about family traditions. Taking an interest in local customs, asking respectful questions, and being willing to participate in family activities show that you are genuinely committed.
Understand the Importance of Family Harmony: Family harmony and social unity are crucial aspects of Balinese life. Your behavior, attitude, and respect for customs reflect not just on you, but also on your partner. Demonstrating that you fit well within the family dynamic will help gain their trust and approval.
Integrating into Daily Life & Traditions:
Participate in Daily Activities & Ceremonies: Being involved in family activities, whether it’s preparing food, helping around the house, or taking part in religious ceremonies and social events, will help you bond with the family and show your willingness to integrate into their way of life.
Respect Privacy & Show Consideration: Understanding when to give the family space and when to engage is important. Follow your partner's lead in terms of how much to share about your personal life and when to step back to allow the family to maintain their usual routine.